Moonthly Letter IV: Self-tending as a necessity of life
Our bodies as sacred vessels for our souls and our creative self-expression
I've lost count of how many versions of this letter I've written (there’s a lesson in there somewhere). There are things I want to say but after writing the previous versions I've realized it is not yet time. I’m still figuring out the details for myself and I feel like it would be a disservice to the thing to share it prematurely.
Honestly, my mind has been scattered. My sleep has been poor. I had the flu in February which made me stand still for a while. All in all, February felt rather uninspiring, apart from the returning light and a few other delights I’ll mention in this moonth’s list later on.
Prior to the flu, I'd been going in all directions. I had a big project at work for a craft session I was planning and facilitating. That's come and gone now. And whilst it was such a fun session to bring to life, my creative tank was empty. So my personal creative projects were momentarily shelved and to be completely frank with you, I am still not quite ready to pick any of them up. This means there's no lunar calendar this month. Well, there is but it is half-finished and I’m not sure I can bring myself around to putting all the pieces together.
When I think back to February, oh the sweetness of hindsight, a theme emerged - I'd been so focussed on giving and giving and giving, that I forgot to fill up my cup in between. As a Libra Sun in the 2nd House, giving and pleasing and saying yes to everything comes so naturally. Combine that with an open root chakra, and the pressure I put myself under is not healthy, and it's not my natural way of being in this world. A lot of the time this means self-sacrifice and self-abandonment. It means forcing through tiredness. And that is exactly what I'm consciously trying to shift with this desire for a slow creative life that follows my inherent pace and not the one expected by society.
When this constant pushing happens I get emotionally triggered very easily. I fall into my shadow of seriousness and constriction. I become impatient and snappy. My Aries Moon gets to a point where it is ready to explode for no good reason. And I know that's not my natural state. That's me when I've not tended to my own basic needs.
As someone with an undefined solar plexus, I pick up a lot from my surroundings. When I don’t empty my emotional baggage, the fuse runs very short. Doesn’t help that my mind gets so crowded that it is hard to tune into my own frequency. My body surges with energies that are not my own.
So last night, after a shitty day at work down to my own constricted being, I tuned out and went inward. When Nick headed out for his football session, I sat in my bed finally picking up the practice of breathwork.
Breathing in on the count of five… pausing on the count of five… breathing out on the count of five… pausing on the count of five.
I could literally feel the heaviness dissipate. I could feel myself returning to my center, to my natural baseline. I could feel grounded in my own energy. It helped that neither of the neighbours was home, the old terraced house walls and all that. I had no other auras around me. Just me. Just my own frequencies. Heaven!
This morning I woke with a sense of clarity I hadn’t felt for a while. I grabbed my breakfast, headed back to bed, and did some journalling.
Oh, the bliss of tending to one's needs.
In short, somewhere in the delirious flu state a couple of weeks back, it hit me:
Self-care is not a luxury, it is a necessity.
It’s not that it is something new to me. Intellectually, we all know we need to take care of ourselves but for whatever reason, it is always so easy to do the opposite, right? And this tending to one’s needs will look different to each one of us but what I've found over and over again is that self-care to me can be summed up with these words: silence, solitude, and stillness.
These three magical words allow me to come back to my body. They allow me to reconnect to my center. They allow me to recalibrate.
If I don't take responsibility for my own self-care, it is very easy to fall into the low frequencies of victimhood. And that is exactly what happened yesterday morning. But it is not fair on anyone, least of all myself.
I'm starting to see the thread that runs through it all. In Human Design, my Incarnation Cross is the Vessel of Love. In simple language, the Incarnation Cross is said to define our purpose here on Earth. When I think of purpose in this context, it’s not the “what I’m here for” kind of thing. Rather, I see it now as our connection to our deeper selves. Instead of answering “what am I here to do?”, the question seems to be “what am I here to learn?”
And to me that has always been related to my body: how can I embrace this physical body that I’ve been given? How can I love my body? How can I tend to it so that it allows me to embody my highest self rather than be stuck in this victim mentality? I spoke in more depth about that in the New Moon Invitation last month.
I’m starting to embrace that my physical body is a sacred vessel, yet all my life I've been hating on it, rejecting it, escaping the physical world through various numbing agencies just so I wouldn't have to deal with the discomfort.
But my body is literally the sacred vessel for my soul.
My body is the vessel through which I express my soul and its desires.
My body is the vessel for my creative self-expression.
My body is how I am attuned to the world around me.
When that attunement is out of whack or overcrowded with everyone else's signals, my body is the first thing I abandon.
Yet, as a Generator, I use my body to navigate through this physical world.
Therefore, tending to my body is the most serving thing I could ever do.
Everything else hinges on it.
So the plan is to deepen my practice of self-tending through my journalling practice and the added breathwork. I've found a local breathwork event happening at the end of March that I'm excited to attend. Even though our plan is to eventually leave Leicester, for now, I'm curious to connect with like-hearted communities in the "real world".
I'm seeing now how I've ignored the physical aspect. I've been tending to the spiritual being and abandoning my sacred vessel. I have failed to see that they co-exist on this physical plane. As much as I want to live out there, I exist on this physical plane. And no matter how uncomfortable it may be, it is my duty to tend to my sacred vessel.
I’m curious: what does self-care look like to you? How do you define it?
As always, sending you my love,
Silvia
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*Stolen Focus* by Johann Hari. I can’t say it was a cheerful read but it broadened my understanding of how our attention works and what we, as individuals, can do to claim it back.
*Susannah Conway’s tarot course. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying building up a more solid foundation for my tarot knowledge. Speaking of which, working my way through Mary K. Greer’s book* at the same time has been a lovely addition. I’d thoroughly recommend either if tarot is something that is pulling on you.
*Watching Jupiter and Venus come together in the evening sky. Unfortunately, it has been cloudy the last few days but I am hoping it’ll clear up enough to capture a quick shot of the two merged as one. Have you spotted them?
*The last few podcast episodes of Counter Culture. I’ve followed Jas since 2021 and resonate a lot with her outlook on things, as a fellow 3/5 Generator. She holds so much wisdom and it is always such a grounding experience to hear her speak.
*The last few episodes of Britten’s Moon to Moon podcast. If you’ve been with me for a while, it is no news to you how much I love Britten and her take on astrology. I would especially recommend her most recent Dark Moon download episode.
*This podcast is a new discovery for me but I love how down-to-earth Elin is. I especially found this episode on art versus content fascinating.
*This honest piece by Jennifer. What I took away from it was this: it is OK to wallow but don’t stay in it. That serves no one. Plus, I just admire her vulnerability.
*Lisa’s Ode to Staying had me feeling all kinds of things but the main thing was this: life is all about learning to stay. I have especially felt it in the last few weeks. How this is showing up personally is learning to stay in the discomfort of not knowing but trusting that the view will clear eventually.
*These songs filled up my February. I’ve been creating these playlists since the summer of 2021 and I always find it fascinating to go back and listen to each one and be reminded of that moment in time and space. Music has always been a refuge.
*One sunny Sunday afternoon, sitting in our living room, listening to Britten and her Dark Moon Download.
*I realise I didn’t consume much YouTube video content in February but Verdant Vanille’s videos always reach a deep corner of my soul. So did her latest one on not comparing yourself to others.
*This box breathing exercise.
*These Sunday emails from Claire.
*Oh, and, not to gloat, but I finally made my own very first journal. That’s been on my list for only a couple of years. I was surprised at how low effort it actually can be and I’m hoping to make it a regular practice.
That’s it for February. Thank you, you’ve taught a few good lessons.
What were some of your February Delights? Feel free to share in the comments. Let’s spread some joy!
*These links are affiliates. This means if you order these books through this link, I will earn a little commission. Or, you could always pop into your local library.
Silvia! I love focus on body love. Love love love.
Human design on top of astrology is just the bees knees for figuring or making some sense and meaning in this world we live in. And perhaps help to make the world more clear through our own eyes.
Sending love,
Rae
This was beautiful and, though I'm not a generator, I related to a lot of it. I'm glad you're feeling better. I look forward to checking out some of the resources you shared.